?Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.” Brian Tracey
We are back for part two of my interview with psychologist and author Susan Apollon, who is sharing her thoughts and insights on love and relationships.
How do you define a healthy relationship?
Apollon: A healthy relationship is one in which each brings to it the truth of who he or she is, which is the only way in which it can continue to thrive. When each partner is living consciously in tune with ? or aligned with ? his or her truths and values, neither feels threatened by the other. Rather, each feels quite safe in the relationship, comforted that each has permission and is giving the other permission to live in accordance with what makes his or her heart sing.
This shared mutual experience allows each to vibrate at such a high level that there can only be room for self-exploration, joy, productivity, spiritual growth and peace.
As a result of the recession, many people have lost their jobs and had to transition into other careers, which can shake their perception of themselves and their self worth. While this is difficult for the person going through the change, those in a relationship with them can also feel the stress. What advice do you have for both parties so that the relationship survives the shift?
Apollon: Good question!! When you are in a relationship and one or both of you are going through shifts or changes in your career, keep in mind that a healthy relationship is one in which two individuals who are each secure in their sense of who they are come together because of their caring for and love of one another and not because of the ?hat? they may be wearing at the time.
In other words, those of you who are grounded, have a good sense of your values and are able to live in alignment with your values, recognize that you are more than the title of your job. You have a deeper sense of your identity.
Furthermore, in a truly loving relationship, each supports the other from a place of unconditional acceptance in which the title of job you have or do not have is not an issue. Only unconditional love and acceptance represent your bottom line.
The stresses of life become the challenges in which you are tested, as the oak tree is tested by hurricane force winds, to stay rooted and aware of your inner resources, and, so often, to discover that you have the power to survive and thrive. When going through such challenges, remember to ask yourself: What is this teaching me? What am I needing to learn from this experience?
By asking such questions, you change your perspective. Actually, you grow spiritually, allowing you to be more aware of your Higher Guidance and the possibility that there is a reason for what is occurring. You begin to shift to a ?feel better? vibration, one in which you are more likely to shift from fear to one of trust that you will have what you need. When both parties in the relationship can honor such perspectives, each feels better.
You talk about the importance of letting others know how important they are to us. What are some strategies we can use to keep from taking these relationships for granted?
Apollon: The keys to living a beautiful life are consciousness regarding how you are feeling and what you are thinking ? and choosing love. Everything begins with intention ? your intention to come from love, to be love, to act lovingly and compassionately.
Begin and end your day with writing, reading or verbalizing your intention to live your day by choosing love. Use your imagination to anticipate situations in which you will be with others and , in your mind?s eye, see yourself feeling and being loving with them. Also, focus on the loving qualities of the other person ? qualities which bring out the love you feel for them.
Additionally, stop and ask yourself: How might my life might be or feel if I did not have the other individual (on whom I am focusing) in my life? By doing this, we usually stop taking for granted these precious relationships
Finally, too many of us assume others know how we feel. If you love or care for someone deeply, friend or lover, tell them how you are feel. Let them know how much you value them, love them and what you love about them. All of us need to hear this from one another ? or, at least, to have some expression of being loved by another.
What are the some important takeaways you want people to understand about nurturing and enhancing relationships?
Apollon: Relationships are an essential part of life in which we are able to provide both ourselves and the other the elements needed for us to fully potentiate: that is, to discover who we are, what we value and why we are here.
One of the keys to living a rich and joyful life is knowing who we are (what we value and unconditionally love and accept about ourselves) and being sure to love ourselves enough to honor and nurture the needs of our own soul ? first ? before engaging in a relationship and looking for the other to complete us.
To be clear about this: It is our job and responsibility to first learn to meet our own needs, be able to stand securely alone before we enter a partnership. As soon as we create a dependence on another to complete ourselves, we have weakened our own sense of self, and, at the same time, weakened the relationship as well.
To go a step further, in knowing who you are, and your values, it is in your best interest to lovingly treat yourself compassionately when something goes wrong, rather than be unmercifully judgmental and self-critical. Release the need to be perfect and allow yourself the freedom to make a mistake.
Remember the question: What is this teaching me? And, when you can do this with yourself, you will be better able to enter into a relationship with a nonjudgmental and? noncritical attitude, essential for a healthy partnership.
Once in a relationship, to maintain and enhance the nature of your relationship, there needs to be a balance of continuing to honor your values and to do what you need for the growth of your own soul with doing what is needed to honor the needs, values and desires of the other.
Do not sell yourself short ? something so many do. Here is where you need to maintain an awareness of your intuitively sensing at the level of the heart what feels right to you ? and what does not.
You are each unique individuals, with your own passions, loves and personality. Support the other in his or her hobbies, interests and desires ? as long as it does not drain the energy of the relationship or you. If it does, you need to compassionately and sensitively express your feelings with the other, seeking ways to find a compromise or more balanced way of handling the situation.
Always tune in to your own heart and gut ? and listen, listen, listen to your own inner guidance regarding how the relationship is feeling.
All relationships are enhanced by you choosing to love and accept the other in your life unconditionally. Furthermore, if things irritate or annoy you, notice the feeling and thought, feel the emotion and then breathe it out and choose another quality, about your partner that feels so much better and sweeter on which to focus.
Also, what you choose to focus on determines how you will feel. So, again, intend to focus on what you love about the other and release what is bothering you. Do your best not to get too serious. Be light, integrate humor into your relationship and be sure to share experience shared humor, laughter and smiles ? all.
Finally, everything rests on your perspective. If you can ask yourself questions such as: What do I need to learn here? Or How would I feel if this were reversed and I were in my partner?s position? ? then you are gifting yourself with the ability to gain a different perspective and, thereby, shift to a higher vibration and feel much better.
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Our thanks to Susan Apollon for her insights and advice. For the rest of the month, focus on sharing the love, treating yourself as well as all those you might with kindness and generosity.?
We are all travelers in this world?do your part to make the journey softer and more peaceful for everyone.
Source: http://communityofchange.blogspot.com/2012/02/in-truly-loving-relationship-each.html
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